Finding Neverland

I just finished watching Finding Neverland… tears streaming down my face as I sit here… James says to Peter … they are sitting together on a bench in the park after his mother’s funeral…. as he opens Peter’s journal… “You can find her on every page of your imagination”. I can see her says Peter.
I made up this whole life… every little bit ….. I searched and enquired from childhood into the mystery of how it all works. I knew it was not how everyone saw it.Jesus and India …and so many adventures…. and saw through it all eventually… it all has to go….Even this precious body is made up!….So much to explore though!….. Some years ago I was on a retreat in Spain, sitting in the sunshine talking with a journalist. ‘The trouble is she thinks she’s a fairy’….. he laughed at me! I was more like Red Riding Hood in those days! But I knew. So I wrote poetry and stories…and told people what I know about this magical world of mine… and played magical games…
And the big open secret about how it works is this: … We make it all up… every last little bit of it! … and mostly we are under the spell of not remembering that we are doing it! We make it all up as we go along… I once had a friend… an wonderful ancient Jewish pianist and poet… He must have left the earth by now… I leant some Hebrew from him… The first line of Genisis in translation is “Without beginning God is creating heaven and earth..” I wanted to close the gap between what I knew and what I experienced. Finding Marc Acquaviva and the yoga reminded me to embody the Quantum Leela… the play of Neverland… I used to dream of a stream of silver… a ribbon of Living Water… pouring … springing up into eternal life…..
We just make it all up. Each one of us…I have lived a story as rich as Neverland..And it is only the “without beginning”.

Here is an early poem……all form is inside .. all more delicate than a spider’s web… loving it makes it real.

Here exists! Matter is!
A speck of exquisite dust Inside of what I am.
Time exists!
Now is!
A momentary flash,
A living silver ribbon scattering tiny oxbow lakes handfuls of raindrops,
Inside of what I am.
The Living Eye curiously examines the mote
That spontaneously arose
While He lay dreaming
this half made world,
A scribbled drawing,
A pattern of drifting clouds,
Seeing only Herself as she awakens in form,
Baby eye loving only Tenderness,
Reflecting the soft unfocussed gaze
Of new born consciousness awakening to Now.
© Jeanette McKenzie 1992

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Now Yoga

Creating authentic structure and support … for ourselves… with love and without rigid control is a lifelong task. Authentic boundaries… as precise and as perfect as skin… A wombwall… To experience the love in this… and to surrender to being held by what we long for… attention… tenderness…. without control… to be accepted and seen… without sacrificing our autonomy… When this begins to be realised as the essence of what we long for it can be heart breaking. This is precisely what we are engaged in in our Heart Community… It is a very delicate alchemy … to reveal ourself … drop by drop… and not run away or recoil…. to stay present and naked in all our magnificence and weakness. To have true compassion on ourselves… and on these precious sacred broken bodies… which are endlessly resilient and renewable! To wake up to our REAL life! To set ourselves free.. from robotic ritual… To discover the superfuid state in this body… To laugh and cry as we see the game. To learn to be and love what we really are. Whole. This is the yoga I love. Those precious words with which Patanjali begins the Sutras – which have many translations. … Atha Yoga Anushasanam! Now Yoga! As we surrender control and allow dissolution of past rigidites, it can seem like chaos as we allow love to grow new structure. This is the time to be tender, curious about what is real… infinitely patient … to not be tempted to take back control with the frosty breath of judgement as we allow the alchemy of transformation. See with the simplicty of agendaless baby eyes every single time we begin…….As we surrender control and allow dissolution of past rigidites, it can seem like chaos as we allow love to grow new structure. This is the time to be tender, curious about what is real... infinitely patient ... to not be tempted to take back control with the frosty breath of judgement as we allow the alchemy of transformation. See with the simplicty of agendaless baby eyes every single time we begin...

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I am Infinity

It seems that I am engaged in sifting through the debris of the years ….emptying… .eliminating… refining… An alchemical process…Seems there is much left over.. undigested… unshared …. joys and griefs … treasure unseen, unsung… I have danced wild like Mirabai, naked in the streets for love ….and scattered my life to the winds…. I have explored the paralysing death dealing eyes of Medusa…
We have to live very lightly to dance on the razor’s edge…
Here is another of my poems from more than twenty years ago…

I am Infinity
with undiscriminating stare of baby eyes
the crenellations of my inner landscape.
I am a child
playing with a thermonuclear device
designed to implode
or melt down.
I am Simplicity
I am
before and after
time and space infinitely free.
This is my story
I have made me
and all that is.
My child unseeing, sits, head hanging
Cinderella in the ashes of her story,
bound by nothing,
the tide of awareness
of her unboundedness seeping softly into her cells.
© Jeanette McKenzie The Stables 1990

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Yoga of the Heart

I am continuing to give attention to this yoga of the cells, the state of consciousness of the cells, the real, living, singing consciousness…. They are so delicately affected by the “weather” of feeling. And with the exploration of this body, and the ever expanding frame of reference, it has become completely impossible to “accommodate” the slightest strategy in the surface “story life”, impossible to tolerate any experience of conflict … and continue to live. Every movement into form, every word, has to be pristine, harmonious…. an impulse freshly emerging from aligned presence. The slightest deviation from authentic “keyala”, (a Bengali word for spontaneous impulse), causes immense suffering. This body, which has “taken up the slack” of the distortion of conditioning and duty, conflict and unconsciousness, as the bodies of babies do, no longer has the capacity for this. The limit has been reached. There is no more elasticity. It is not just a deep weariness, a refusal… It is now simply an impossibilty. It demands peace or death…. Absolute non violence. Radical ahimsa. The very word ahimsa brings forth a great, longing sigh. It lives on the razor’s edge. Hours of immersion in deep silent presence are required now to clear the backlog of distortion of remaining memory traces. Hours in a state of incandescence as these impressions in the nervous system appear to be consumed. And it is no longer willing or able to play this game of “mothering” or accommodating “others” who do not exist! Consciousness is one. This body is the universe. This new yoga of the heart space, of precise detailed enquiry, giving attention to the consciousness of the body, listening to the song of the cells, this intimate little song that the divine child is singing to herself, this yoga of the heart space that I am exploring, seems to be gradually establishing a firmer base, aligning to the blueprint. Incarnating differently. Matter unveiled. Stripped of all superfluous story, naked…. with new definition as the very bones of truth. This body, this mass of pure consciousness, pulsating, vibrating tenderness. Giving everything to this emerging newness, the body of the heart. She is a warrior … in love with the axis of truth…. witnessing the straightening of the spine of her child heart.

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The Song of Rahu

 ”Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.”

mevlana jelaluddin rumi -

I saw this photo on facebook last week. And stared. I could not ignore it. I could not share it. Days later I was pulled to search for it on the net and write about my response. 
 We experience increasingly horrific images and situtations unfolding around us. In the media, on the internet, in our everyday life. We are in the bardos.  And we absolutely are required to keep our attention on that light of Truth that is the Beloved, that simplicity that shines through everything.
It is necessary to understand how to respond to these images and experiences from a state of realisation. Sometimes we may be called to take physical action in the world. Sometimes it may seem as if  there is nothing we can  contribute.
However,  compassionate awareness is not helpless! It is a dynamic force contributing to actively bringing order, sanity and peace into this dimension of the dream. If we can allow true awareness….compassion and love for the victims and the perpetrators alike in a given situation, we allow order and sanity to begin to dissolve the seeming conflict.
We can become an instrument of peace. We can activate our capacity to transform. We  can be alchemists,  uniting the opposites and moving attention beyond our instinctive response and the human emotions of fear, rage and desperation. We can allow ourselves to be the gaze of the Beloved.
Otherwise it is best not to look lest we proliferate the fragmentation and chaos. This is how “separation” continues to create the world automatically, chaotically  the way it seems to be.  
We are called now to see this differently… we are called to find that spark of light that is the Beloved in everything.  When we gaze with this awareness then the possibilities of freedom are infinite. We invite the transformation of  this “human” body into the body of light of the Beloved. We practice the “opus contra naturam”. We  hold the opposites. We are the Way of the Heart of the Beloved and we take these situations to the Quantum Heart Field…. Rumi’s field.  Where everything is already at peace. And the insanity of conflict simply does not exist.
Please listen to the Song of Rahu. It has just been released on Sounds Orange. Together with an interview of Anadi Taylor speaking from the Heart with Jeanette. The Song of Rahu came from that dimension and has the capacity to activate that state of awareness. 
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Transforming the shadow

“O the mind, mind has mountains; cliffs of fall
Frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap
May who ne’er hung there.”   Gerard Manley Hopkins
Choosing to be still in the  absence of the experience of peace, living gently with the grit in the oyster, the hairshirt rawness of what we might choose not to be the case,  staying innocently curious or curiously innocent about our disturbing messiness is an exit point, the high road to freedom. There is no Other.
Surrender sits tenderly enquiring  at the foot of those dark cliffs of fall, ready to lift awareness soaring  into the freedom of clarity.  Nothing to do but stay present on the razor’s edge  and watch the movie unravel, the Heart of Being sweetly resolving the seemingly unbearable.


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The Field of Freedom

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
don’t make any sense.”

I woke this morning with this quote and this field filling my awareness. The Quantum Heart field. Where “problems” simply don’t exist. When we train our mind to  consistantly “lie down in that grass” conflicts which appear to be impossible to resolve disappear without trace.  Situations which have haunted the scene for generations dissolve.

This field of the Heart is Archimedes’ “place in which to stand” from where the earth herself can be moved. The root of Being, the sustainable ground that all hearts long for. It is what we are, our own source and our own true nature.  Like Osho who asks, can the fish in the sea be thirsty, we live in an ocean of abundance. The mind without its root in the Heart does not recognise its origin, its capacity to dream all things into form, prefering instead to continue to energise the frequency of separation and fear, want and   lack.

The power of “Together” in the “now field” of the heart frequency unleashes a tidal wave of abundance as the ungrown dreams flow into form and stagnant energy is spontaneously cleared!

The Way of Effortless Living…  in the Quantum Heart Field …. offers a simple process with Heart Communication and Dyads to rest in that Field, enjoying clearing and manifesting simultaneously. We have one more Springboard Day to Effortless Living before Christmas in Emsworth on Sunday December 11th, 9.45am. You are invited to the Quantum Heart  to explore Rumi’s Field. Please come! Details at

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Closing the Gap

Huge waves of feeling this morning. The tide is rising. I sit and dissolve and integrate the energy from 5 till about 7.30 and then lie down and fall asleep again.

There are so many disparate ways to play on the net and there are multiple pieces of the puzzle to put together to resolve the maze of this technological communication system I am engaged in right now! Fan page and landing pages and websites and cameras and videos. Everything needs to be “translated” from one code to another, converted, “stepped down”, so the mind can “get it”.

I know I am experiencing with more frequent intensity the perceived gap between what I am and this current embodiment in matter.

All I want is to say … I know the way out of the mind maze. I am the solution. “I” is the way. This vast landscape of fragmented images is way too spread out. Keep your attention on the flow of light from this little spark, this original nuclear fusion of light and sound that heralds your entry onto the stage of life. This is the doorway!

I loved. I was love…I am love, expansion, breath. All I desired was to dance….ecstatic like Mirabai naked in the streets…. out of my mind, on fire with this flow of love. Jesus was the apparent object of my devotion, holding my attention fixed on the Real, as I realised my true identity, the one essential nature of all things.

I was brought up Catholic and was devoted to Jesus but there was inner knowing and koans to solve from the beginning. I discovered so much more than I found in the church! This was… is.. all my own being. I experienced all the myths and tales of humanity in every cell of my body. I have lived a life on the edge… befriended archetypes and stars… gave birth to the earth…my earth, went right through that vast heart of Christ…. opening into freefall into the universe… into everything.

I am She, who always was is and always will be      
Sister of the stars and daughter of the endless Sun
Behold I lie in deepest space and call to the earth,
You are my beloved child.
This day I have given birth to you.

Once upon a time, at the beginning of time, before and beyond space time, the beginning of time in this body, I communicated all I am, all I know, all I wished to express … one single out breath. I breathed out and that was enough. I am still flowing that out breath.

Once upon a time, I entered the bubble of this never ending, never beginning, story, accepting at birth, the eyeless mask of structure looking everywhere in despair for that gaze to reflect me to myself. Flashes of spontaneous reconnection with, realisation of, my true nature from the earliest years of my life blew great cracks in this mind…holes in my mirror… till it became a leaky sieve, reflecting the no thing through the holes! Capable of holding nothing!

Disorientation ….. With a gap between story and reality … till the I steadied enough to find a consistent way to re establish a little functionality, merging with the new order of equivalency and freedom … The old order and allegiance to any strategy and outside authority faded… Like those words of the dying King…

And slowly answered Arthur from the barge:
” The old order changeth, yielding place to new,
And God fulfils Himself in many ways,
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world.”

Each one has to find his or her own way to traverse this ocean. To slip through those cracks.There is no external authority. It is all reflection. There is no other. We each captain our own vessel as we steer through the bardos of this illusion. And with grace we discover how to keep our inner eye focussed on our own pole star. Help comes by grace as we gaze with soft unfocussed baby eyes rooted in baby heart which sees right through the illusion.

Until I awoke, to dream in the awakened state, I would have night dreams. Dreams of being the Great Mother crawling round the mountain with bleeding knees for the sake of the people….then standing on the summit of the mountain with the stars streaming though empty eyes, the wind blowing through my long hair and arms and huge indigo cloak spread wide to embrace it all.

I did not always live in this world, but I have tasted it all and digested much. When this body was younger, I dreamt my beloved would bring me baskets of sweet ripe oranges warm from the sun, on fragrant green leaves damp with morning dew.

I walk along a path in a garden. A slim young man stands ahead of me to the left of the path. He is tall and pale and his name is Ovos. He holds a book out in front of him sensitive long fingers resting on the page, inviting me to read. It is a poem by Gustavo Adolfo Becquer.

Yo sé un himno gigante y extraño
que anuncia en la noche del alma una aurora,
y estas páginas son de este himno
cadencias que el aire dilata en la sombras.
Yo quisiera escribirlo, del hombre
domando el rebelde, mezquino idioma,
con palabras que fuesen a un tiempo
suspiros y risas, colores y notas.
Pero en vano es luchar; que no hay cifra
capaz de encerrarle, y apenas ¡oh hermosa!
si teniendo en mis manos las tuyas
pudiera, al oído, cantártelo a solas.

I have translated it as best I can. The sound and the feeling in Spanish are exquisite.

I know an anthem vast and strange
Which heralds a dawn in the night of the soul
And these pages are the measure of this hymn
Which the breeze scatters in the shade.
I would that I could write it,
Taming this poor unwieldy language of man
With words that would be at the same time
Sighs and smiles, colours and music.
But the attempt would be in vain, for there is no language
To contain it, unless, oh lovely one,
Holding your hands in mine,
I were able to sing it in your ear, for you alone.

To close this gap between what I love and what I experience in this little bodily life… to bring this love of the unstruck sound into form, to distinguish the REAL from the UNREAL, has been the deep inner impulse, the love of my whole life. I have come to rest… I experience the disconnects. I consciously embrace them allowing them to melt, letting my wounded heart open softly to enfold it all, now not just with my life and clients, but in this new internet game we are playing! The outpicturing of proliferating mind!

So the last shreds of couch grass in this garden dissolve. I sense it is soon time to write the story of my archetypal life, my waking dream. To tell how I became what I now embody and share my consciously lived fairytale!

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Cracks in the Manifest World

Exotic Egypt! Cherie is off to Luxor today, flying into a shiny brand new adventure! Once I loved that shivering excitement, that restless quiver in the belly, the anticipation of newness … packing …. the buzz of getting on a plane… arriving somewhere as yet unexplored…. the shimmering heat…. and the aromas of a life lived differently…..

There have been years of travelling…. Spain …my first love… jasmine and warm evenings, piropos in the Rambla …Italy…. flaming pink sunsets over Assisi….. And India… aahhh….. that indescribable feeling…the enveloping, unforgettable, spicy smells and steamy embrace of India!

These days I love to be at home…..sliding into crevices of deep stillness… following the pull of my keyala … into the vastness of the ever unfolding little cracks between the worlds, the crenellations of my inner landscape.

I feel myself coming to rest. As these words appear on the screen I recall one of my poems about this state of simplicity.

Coming to Rest

At last
Settling here
My lifetime restlessness
Coming to stillness
In this little space
Returning full circle
To my childhood’s tiny playroom
Under the wings of the roof

At last
Desire diminishing
And mastery of external worlds
Strangely dissolving
Returning to the allotted task
Or could it be
The entertainment
That ultimately awaits?

At last
Falling back
Surrendering into
Baby indifference
As forms drift
In and out of vision
From where to where
I remember not

At last
Settling back
Floating womb-like in easy blissfulness
Horizons narrowing
Light refracting on light
A long thin umbilical periscope
Back bending
Craning its neck to see
Self cognising self

At last
Slowly slowly
Allowing the sensual pleasure
Of opening to my vastness
Softly sifting through my eternal knowing
Baby eye realising
Dot by dot
The matrix of infinity

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Beyond the Idea of Enlightenment!

There is a lot of hype around about enlightenment. To many it appears to be a mysterious exalted state of freedom, bliss and power. Those who have assigned themselves the frequency of seekers and are playing that part for now in the drama of life, are constantly on that “spiritual path”. Wilful pursuit of the “high state” of enlightenment implies that we do not know that state of oneness with the ocean of life in which we inhere, that we are ignorant of our true nature. Enlightenment is our natural state, the state in which we are born. The fact that the minds of others around us are unaware of that state of bliss renders them for the most part unable to reflect more than a trickle of our inheritance to us. Our mind imprints with “ugly ducklingness” and we become ignorant of our true nature, our true authority!

We become imprinted with concepts of hard work, struggle, control, pain, lack, fear, guilt, regret, unworthiness, competition and more. Even if we rebel against these, as aspects of us do, there is resistance, inertia, rebellion and rage instead! Our inheritance, our natural flow of energy to follow our impulse and the connection with our own sovereign authority seems lost. We become thirsty, like Osho says, like fish in the ocean looking for water.

Discussions and conferences about enlightenment, this self-evident fact, as something to be sought after, emphasise the state of separation in which the mind appears to exist. That state of alienation of the mind from what IS, grows greater as the mind focuses on “how to”. The fog becomes denser and the fish swim about in schools discussing how to get back to the ocean! Life flows into form for pleasure, joy, not discussion. If we want to serve humanity we must serve the evolutionary process of life itself by falling back into the natural state of simplicity and bliss and radiating that. We serve best by becoming real, flowering in what might seem to be a desert! We are all swans in the midst of those who play the ugly duckling game!

It is so simple. Open your eyes and look around. We exist in heaven. What we are never left! It is all a mind game. What you put attention on grows. The way you see it grows. And if you don’t see it this way, begin to choose differently. The kingdom of heaven is all around you. Choose to notice it and it reveals itself to you.

It is in the detail, in tiny everyday things we have to begin to activate our pre- existing freedom, in the ordinariness, step by step, breath by breath. The heart already knows and the body carries that imprinted memory of that moment of the nuclear fusion of conception. Every cell vibrating with that piezo electric spark! The mind was not designed for struggling to understand! The mind is a focussing tool for the heart, to facilitate the expression of desire. Desire… de sidere…. From the stars! We are embodied packets of desire, light, information, pleasure, delight!

Allow the mind to fall into the heart, abandoning that state of fragmentation, discovering that flow of joy, that well of living water springing up into eternal life. In this natural state it not a question of working out how to attract what we need. This arises naturally, created as we allow the scattering of the seeds of our desire in this garden.

Our inheritance can be a desert, or paradise garden, as we choose to see it. Life is for living, abundantly, celebrating, enjoying…..not for discussing or struggling. It is practical enlightenment we require. Here and now, choosing to see the wonder in every moment. Clearing and reclaiming the swamps of negative emotion, the earth stripped of our trees of fruit and our shady resting places. The land of our bodies expressing the toxicity and lack, stagnation and inertia, the dryness of minds as they discuss the philosophy of enlightenment, surrendering our inner authority to others in this search for what is already in the heart of all. The heart and the body are a source of living water and nourishment. It is this state of alienation and seeking for solutions that is the cause of the imaginary plagues of obesity, abuse, terrorism, crime and more.

If every human being were to remember, to reconnect the mind to the heart, to knowing his or her own natural state and inner authority, all true desire would naturally express and each could be the paradise that they actually ARE, naturally bringing forth the fruit of authentic experience with which to nourish themselves.

On a practical note, our greatest potential for expansion is by mining the treasure trove of what we don’t want, the goldmines of our negative emotion and faulty belief systems. The energy in there is liked a capped oil well with the pressure of a volcano about to erupt. If paid attention to, it will transform your existence. If ignored it will rise like a tsunami and destroy you.

Learn to be easy with discomfort, embrace the atithi the seemingly unexpected guest. Give the transforming kiss of Beauty to the Beast. See only love and that is what your experience becomes.

Being together in satsang, teaching the mind authentic imaging, encouraging our inner, neglected, shadow children to dream awake, 24/7 – this is the way to practical enlightenment, the way to transform and illumine our world.

The evolved state is ultimate simplicity, (“a little child shall lead them”) allowing our heart’s desire to unfold as we return the discriminating mind to its source, to rest and lay down its head in the welcoming lap of the heart.

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